Last Sunday, I ran a Star Wars RPG D6 game for the GOKL group. It started out as a one-shot, but who knows; the tale might continue another time.

The Rancid Putrefaction of a Cosmic Caterwauling Cabal

Episode 312: All Heaven Broke Loose

Long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, aboard the space station Kwenn that served as deep space commerce and transport hub, there was a Rebel cell, who sat all day for days in a spacer’s cantina named The Drunken Dewback, waiting for their first mission. Then one day the young bartender gestured them to the bar. She told them to go to Anchorhead on Tatooine where they will be given an important mission briefing.

Chapter One – We’re So Starving

The Rebel cell consisted of Avril Mantessa, Pew Pew and Tyvokka.

Avril was a young Jedi who had been cloistered away and trained by her Jedi parents in secret after the Jedi Purge. She has yet to use her lightsabre in combat. Pew Pew was a short furry Ewok gunslinger who wore a wide-brimmed sombrero, a poncho and a pair of blaster pistols. No one knew where he came from. And finally, Tyvokka was a Wookiee who owed a life debt to a pirate who died recently. Finding himself without an aim in life, he signed up with a group of rebels.

The trio headed down to the spaceport levels and entered a bay filled with light freighters and transports.

After a failing to secure seats on the second cheapest space transport in the bay a freighter captained by an overweight, bearded human, they soon approach the cheapest ship: A garbage scow by the name A Pile of Garbage. At six hundred credits, the fare was a steal considering its captain, a manumitted protocol droid named LOM-P1, was already about to head to Anchorhead on Tatooine for his client Oscar the Hutt.

LOM-P1, or Lompy as he’s called, had a problem with vocalising his inner monologue, as the group learnt as they departed Kwenn. Also, he kept referring to Tyvokka as “madam” and Pew Pew as “your baby”. A bad jump caused them to revert from hyperspace near the bow of an Imperial Star Destroyer, causing Lompy to announce his deliberations to the group: Whether to hide them or to turn them in. Thankfully, he decided to hide the team deep within the garbage in the cargo compartment as Imperial Stormtroopers search the ship.

Chapter Two – I Have Friends In Holy Places

They arrived on Tatooine some hours later and Lompy landed A Pile of Garbage on a dusty field on the outskirts of Anchorhead. A large, thick cloud of sand and dust billowed up as they landed. Avril, Tyvokka with Pew Pew strapped to his chest and Lompy debarked in the dust cloud. Pew Pew alerted them to a group of four figures approaching them. Lompy tried calling out to Oscar the Hutt, but the dust-concealed figures fired on them. Avril drew her lightsabre and sprinted forward. Tyvokka and Pew Pew became a mobile, living breathing pillbox. They made short work of the attackers who they discovered were Sandpeople who were raiding the outskirts of the town.

As the dust cleared, Anchorhead citizens emerged from their houses to cheer them. A few minutes later Oscar, a green-tinged Hutt, arrived riding upon a caravel lined with cylindrical, open-topped trash can. He congratulated the team and then tell Lompy that his coterie of droids will unload the garbage. He then invited them to ride with him back to his hideout, revealing that he was Avril, Pew Pew and Tyvokka’s contact and he was to inform them of their mission. So they each get into an empty trash can on the caravel’s side, then Oscar drove deeper into Anchorhead.

They arrived at a large warehouse with large neon blinking light on top, which read “Oscar’s Hideout”. The door rolled shut behind them as they entered a large, empty storage area that reeked of garbage. As they climed out of the trash cans, a brown cloaked human greeted them. He informed them that a young Senator named McZoop of Axxila had promised the Rebellion money and materiel for their cell, but she was captured by Imperials. Spies have discovered she was incarcerated in a secret prison complex on the planet Daluuj and the team was to rescue her from there.

The human emphasised that Avril should be the one that rescued her.

Concerned that Daluuj would be a waterlogged planet, Tyvokka employed his considerable technical skills to build a catamaran using parts from Oscar’s junk yard. Returning to A Pile of Garbage they fit the newly-built catamaran into the now-empty but still-reeking-of-garbage cargo bay via the large out-swinging hatch atop the scow . Lompy then agreed to fly them to Daluuj for a price.

Chapter Three – Northern Downpour

Lompy flew them to Daluuj without any problems except for his unnerving vocalised inner monologue. Daluuj was green, gray and blue. Lightning-pocked storm filled up nearly the entire upper atmosphere. Moving the ship into lower orbit, they decided to pinpoint the location of the secret prison by broadcasting themselves. Soon after, the scopes pick up a flight of four TIE fighters coming up toward them from the surface.

They tried to profess their allegiance to the Empire but the TIE fighters began firing on them regardless. Tyvokka looked around for a weapon turret, but Lompy told him the ship was completely unarmed. Evading the green blaster bolts, Lompy steered them down into the atmosphere, heading for the point where the fighters emerged. The TIE fighters chased them into a colossal tower of cumulonimbus. A lightning struck one of the pursuing TIEs which exploded and spun out of control.

Suddenly, a shot connected and something exploded on the ship. A Pile of Garbage began spinning to the surface. Lompy used his piloting skills to successfully pull out of the uncontrolled spin but a tangle of trees appeared before them. Lompy tried to pull up but the ship plowed into the soil.

They quickly unstrapped and Lompy tried to open the ramp, causing a huge volume of water to fill the ship up from below. They all scrambled toward the cargo bay where the catamaran was stowed. The rising water was now unpleasantly-smelling because of it mixing with the ship’s garbage residue. The water rose too fast. Everyone managed to board the catamaran except for Lompy as the top hatch swung open large enough to allow for egress. Heavy rain and winds battered them from outside. Soon, they see Lompy still alive walking underwater toward them. Avril quickly used the Force to lift the grateful droid onto the catamaran as water pushed it up and out of the cargo bay.

Everyone got into position. Hatches were battened. Sails were unfurled.

But then they noticed that they were not on any sea or ocean. They were just in a crater, created by the crashed ship which was quickly filling up with rainwater. So Tyvokka set sail for land – which was 10 meters away – where they landed and debarked onto the mud.

Avril told them that she could sense the prison through the Force and the feeling was stronger than usual. The group started hiking through the rain and thick jungle in that direction.

Pew Pew began to wildly chatter, warning them of something ahead. Suddenly the trees parted in a cloud of descending leaves and an All Terrain Armoured Transport emerged from beyond it. They all hit the ground trying to hide, except for the shiny Lompy who ran the opposite direction. A second later, the chin guns began firing at Lompy. Close hits caused debris, mud and steam to spew up from the ground near the droid. As the Imperial walker walked over the hidden team, they all climbed up its metal legs.

Tyvokka, the best climber among them, arrived at the hip joint first. He found a hatch but was unable to open it. Smashing into it with his fists did no good either. Pew Pew fired his syntherope dispenser, then used the line to swing up toward the front windshield of the walker. He fired his twin guns at it, smashing it into timy molten bits. Avril’s enhanced physical abilities allowed her to leap up and into the smashed windshield, then swiftly killed the drivers – and a single stormtrooper guard – with her lightsabre, hissing in the rain.

They stopped to pick up Lompy and used the walker to travel to the prison complex.

Ten minutes into the journey, another walker emerged from the all-concealing trees from ahead of them and was about to pass them by. The other walker’s commander queried them if they were fine. Of course, the big hole in place of the windscreen was not good for their deception. However, Avril spoke into the comlink and used to Force to affect the other’s mind, allaying his fears. The enemy walker went on without conflict nor suspicion.

Soon they were closing in on and looking at their destination, a domed structure on the side of a hill, with a small TIE fighter hangar and a greebly of antennae on top of it, and a walker bay entrance at the foot of the hill directly under it.

Lompy radioed ahead using his scrambled comlink in attempt to obfuscate the Imperials. He claimed to be an Imperial dignitary in a stealth shuttle which will be arriving shortly in orbit. The ruse worked and this caused all the surviving TIE fighters to be launched for a futile intercept mission.

Chapter Four – When The Day Met The Night

They drove into the walker bay with trepidation, but there were no problems. There were six walker parking bays. Only two were occupied. They stopped their vehicle right in front of the two walkers, obstructing their forward movement should they needed to move. There was not much activity – personnel must be gearing up in anticipation for the made-up Imperial dignitary.

A plan was devised. Lompy would mind the escape vehicle, Avril – in stormtrooper outfit – would rescue Senator McZoop while Tyvokka and Pew Pew would poke around the bay, looking for things that could facilitate their escape.

Pew Pew opened the bottom hatch. The syntherope cable was still attached and within reach. He took it, swung out… and then fell 10 metres to the deck. Thankfully the only injury was his arboreal Ewok pride. He scampered out of the way when the sound attracted a lone stormtrooper guard. As he hid behind some crates, the trooper crept under the walker. It was then when a mass of brown wet fur and muscle smashed into him from above with an ugly crunching sound. Tyvokka dusted himself and promptly hid the body. Finally, Avril – clad in stormtrooper armour – slid down the cable, and they split up to perform their tasks.

At first, Pew Pew found a repair alcove with a lone technician repairing an AT-AT part and thought he would jump him. Tyvokka vetoed it and persuaded the Ewok to follow him to the next alcove – where they found a huge cache of detonite. Pew Pew was beside himself with joy at the thought of the potential big boom. In fact he was almost bouncing off the walls with excitement. Tyvokka began wiring remote detonators.

Avril went past a pair for troopers guarding an elevator which took her six levels up to the detention cell bay. There was a single officer on the command console flanked by a pair of stormtroopers. When asked what she was doing at the cell bay, she informed the officer that command wanted extra hands there because of a suspicious transmission from a supposed Imperial dignitary in a shuttle in space. The officer turned to his comm board to get confirmation from command, which he did. Avril moved behind him putting herself between all three. When he thumbed the intercom off, Avril ignited her lightsabre and pirouetted, sweeping the room. Everyone within reach of her blade fell dead. No one was left standing.

Looking over the console, she identified the cell where the senator was held and opened it. There was a young woman lying on the cot with her back to Avril. Avril called the senator’s name. At first she did not budge. Then she slowly rolled over and sat up. Avril’s heart skipped a beat. The person in expensive travelling outfit before her looked exactly like her. It was like looking into a mirror. Avril removed her helmet and Senator McZoop’s eyes widened.

The senator stuttered that she had always suspected that she was a stepchild, but Avril told her that they would sort it out later. It was time for her to escape.

Snapping on a pair of binders on McZoop’s wrists, Avril – with her helmet back on – told her to get into the elevator. The elevator door parted at the walker bay and the same pair of stormtroopers guarding the elevator turned to her asking where the prisoner was going. Avril looked around, saw no one and drew her sabre, slaying the two troopers. They both ran for their commandeered walker. Pew Pew and Tyvokka were also arriving there simultaneously. They all groaned collectively at having to climb up the syntherope cable.

However, Lompy was ahead of them. With a touch of a button, the entire AT-AT suddenly kneeled, bringing the body closer to the ground. They all cheered as they rushed into the side hatch. Behind them the elevator door opened to allow a squad of stormtroopers to flood the bay. As they began firing on the rebels’ walker, the AT-AT’s side hatch slid closed and Lompy brought the vehicle up to a complete stand. Red blaster bolts sparked harmlessly off the walker’s armoured hide.

Lompy turned their AT-AT around and set it walking toward the open bay door. Avril asked the furry duo if they had done anything to hinder pursuit. Tyvokka told Avril to wait until they have cleared the bay doors. Rain began to batter the walker as they strode out under the tumultuous skies. The rear cameras picked up the remaining two walkers powering up to chase them. Tyvokka held up the remote detonator, growled with Wookiee glee and pressed on the button.

They all looked at the screen. Nothing happened. Pew Pew and Tyvokka jaws popped down with a disappointed surprise. The lead pursuing AT-AT was trundling out the hangar bay, unhampered.

Suddenly, a bright flash and a storm of flame and debris slammed into it from within the bay. The force of the blast threw it forward and it crashed headfirst into the ground.

And then the building atop the walker bay collapsed into a fiery hole at the side of the hill causing another explosion that sent flaming debris flying in a thousand directions. The entire hillside was decimated.

The rebels and Lompy cheered in victory. Avril then told Senator McZoop that she will be returning with them to Kwenn. She was grateful for the jailbreak, but there were still questions to be answered. Why did McZoop resemble Avril? Was she her twin? Why did Avril’s parents not tell her if she had a long lost twin sister? If McZoop was a twin then how did she end up in a noble family on Axxila?

They all headed back toward the submerged A Pile of Garbage to see if they could lift it out of the water-filled crater, repair it and leave the planet.

THE END… for now.

Notes:

• In a post-credit scene, Avril could be seen trying to use the Force to levitate A Pile of Garbage out of its watery tomb.
• Yes, Oscar the Hutt had a grouchy voice.
• The catamaran building scene was a montage that had a either an A-Team or MacGyver theme.
• Oscar’s cloaked companion on Tatooine was referred to by Oscar as “Master Kenobi” in a cutscene after they leave Tatooine.
• The elevator music in the prison cell was an instrumental version of The Girl From Ipanema.
• A twenty kilogramme Ewok weighs forty kilogrammes when stuck out in the rain for a while.
• The first freighter captain NPC was “played” by Dom DeLuise, and the Imperial officer at the prison complex was Edward Norton.